Facing down the revision process, I know now that it's going to be a lot more work than I had originally anticipated when I began this craziness so many years ago. Of course, the story and cast and entire concept have changed in that time, and I think, for the most part, that it's something I could see on a shelf in a book store at this point. Well, it might be, once it's actually readable.
It's been really great to have so much support from Valkyrie through the whole creative process. Of course, she's been there since the very beginning of the idea, when the main characters were just modern analogues to our Dungeons and Dragons characters and their families. Looking at the world we've created in that time, it's all changed so much.
Mostly I can't wait to get the thing polished enough that the scenes read like part of a contiguous narrative, so we can finally let some other people read it for a change. So far, we've talked about it, and people seem interested, and not just in that smile-and-nod-cause-we're-friends kind of way, so I'm honestly interested to see what people think.
Once book one is out for review and revision notes, we can work on filling out and tightening up book two, and then book three. I've set the expectation that I won't send out a single query until all three are finished and ready for submission to a publisher, so reaching that point is something I'm really excited for.
The more I've been thinking about what we're working on, the more I'm beginning to think that this could actually go somewhere, might even speak to someone, and I might even find some measure of success. I don't have any major delusions about making it as a writer, but there's nothing wrong with a little hope.
I got to have a couple of nice, long conversations with my dad this weekend. Mostly we talked about writing, which is something we're both not only interested in but that occupies a lot of our time and thoughts. I don't get to talk to my dad all that much anymore (which is a whole other thing), so it was really good to have the full car ride up and back from Chicago to just talk.
The rest of the weekend was okay, too. My grandfather's funeral was standing room only. Everyone was sad, of course, but the warmth and love that everyone showed for the man was really inspiring. I think this is the most positive emotion, or emotion, period, I've seen from some of my relatives. We had dinner at a Polish buffet after, which was pretty good, but they were out of sausage at the point I was on my second go. Valkyrie tried sauerkraut, and may have found something new to eat. I told her I was proud of her for even trying.
I really need to get my taxes filed. The forms are all filled in, so I just need to make the time to refill them electronically. The only purchase I have planned for the money coming my way is a new sticker for my license plate, since I don't have much hope of actually finding the one I bought the first time. No matter what, I need to have my own vehicle again. Valkyrie has offered to let me have the car while she's at work, as long as I come to pick her up in the morning, but it would be so nice to just have my own wheels again. I really want to hang out with people more, but I hate to be a burden with asking for rides and having people take me home late at night when they really just want to sleep.
Being a burden in general is something I really want to stop. I really haven't been keeping up with looking for work, although I'm waiting on a callback from a screening interview, so that's something. I guess having got lucky so many times in the past, and then just recently getting hit hard with the reality hammer, it's been hard to stay motivated. Of course I want to find a job and have an income and not feel like a load, but the whole thing just depresses me, along with the ads for jobs I just nearly qualify for, but I know there's someone more qualified, so I don't even try. Sure it's a defeatist attitude, but more and more I just don't feel competitive and motivated enough to work in the field I thought I wanted to. I don't know if it's just my last job poisoning my perceptions of the business at large or if I really just don't want to do it anymore, of if I was really as interested as I thought I was to begin with.
I really just don't know anymore. I have the important things and people in my life to support me, but I really wish I could get back to being more than something that needs that support to keep from falling over.
In other news, Valkyrie and I seem to be preparing to be old people. We're breakfast regulars at a restaurant, we walk the mall sometimes, and we've been complaining about those damn kids since we were their age. I guess the sooner we accept the inevitable, the easier the transition when it comes.
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